by questful | May 4, 2025 | Collaborative Law, Legal, Uncategorized
Collaborative Divorce is an alternative dispute resolution process that emphasizes cooperation, transparency, and long-term problem-solving. The Collaborative process is most effective when both parties are genuinely committed to resolution and share a willingness to engage in respectful dialogue. Because Collaborative Divorce requires parties to work with each other to resolve their case, not every divorce is right for Collaborative Divorce. While not automatically disqualifying, the following dynamics may indicate a case is not appropriate for Collaborative:
History of Domestic Violence or Coercion
A pattern of control or abuse can create an unsafe environment and disproportionate bargaining power. To guard against these concerns, Colorado law requires attorneys to conduct a “reasonable inquiry” into any history of coercion or violence and take steps to ensure a party’s safety before proceeding in a Collaborative Divorce.
Serious Mental Health or Addiction Issues
Undiagnosed or unmanaged mental health disorders or substance abuse can hinder a party’s ability to participate effectively. If issues are being minimized or ignored, the process may not succeed without additional support.
Divorce Readiness & Emotional Pacing
Often, the person initiating the divorce emotionally moved on, while the other is still reeling. These mismatches in readiness can stall the process or cause disproportionate reactions. Coaching and therapeutic support may help manage these differences if both parties are open.
Child Abuse
Generally, a case with child abuse present is not a good fit for Collaborative Divorce.
While not every case is right for a Collaborative Divorce Process, there are additional alternative disputes processes that utilize many of the same tools and professionals to reach fair outcomes that keep families out of the courtroom.
James M. Cordes, Esq.
jcordes@kinnettcordes.com
Kinnett & Cordes
140 E. 19th Avenue, Suite 600
Denver, CO 80203
303-968-1711
by questful | Jul 28, 2020 | Collaborative Law, Uncategorized
Contemplating divorce can be one of the biggest life-time decisions you will ever make. Deciding how you get through the process can have a tremendous impact on how life after divorce will affect you emotionally and financially.
The common approach in our culture tends to lean on legal representation for not just legal guidance but financial, family, and emotional support that can be very taxing for a family law attorney to single handedly manage and resolve. An alternative approach is to build your resolution process team that is comprised of professionals that specialize in each of the key areas of divorce with a focus on meeting the current and future needs that you and your spouse have.
This approach is called collaborative divorce. The goal is to work collectively in a team-based environment comprised of two family law attorneys (each representing one spouse), a financial expert, and a facilitator with a mental health/mediation background. The goal is to reach a mutually acceptable resolution plan designed to meet as many needs and goals each spouse brings to the team to solve. This highly communicative, goals based, and dignified divorce process tends to facilitate higher quality outcomes that can lead to healthier ex-spouse relationships with less negative impact to children.
Patrick Janssen
Wealth Advisor, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst
office: 720.805.0051
mobile: 720.314.9774
5251 DTC Parkway, Suite 1045
Greenwood Village, CO 80111
www.aspirewmg.com
patrick@aspirewmg.com
by questful | Sep 25, 2019 | Collaborative Law, Emotional, Uncategorized
In our day-to-day lives, we encounter all types of personalities. Some are much easier to deal with than others. And too often, we don’t get to choose the players in our divorce cases, so we must learn how to work with others in an effective, respectful manner in order to get things done.
The key is to develop an array of communication skills so that we’re prepared for the different people, personality styles, and situations that come our way. Teams depend on quick communications internally with colleagues as well as externally with clients in a variety of different mediums: phone calls, email, texts, meetings, etc.
In a perfect world, every communication exchange is efficient and to the point. Divorce cases are made up of diverse people with different temperaments—from those who are calm, cool and collected to High-Conflict People (HCP)—all of whom have varying levels of communication skills and motives. Toss in a couple disruptive people, whether they are clients or colleagues, and the probability of depleting productivity and morale is high.
Most every divorcing couple is in conflict, by definition. And many of them are high-conflict individuals by nature which only exacerbates the situation.
Do these examples sound familiar?
- Perhaps you dread reading the daily complaints in your inbox from your soon-to-be ex-spouse?
- Have you ever received an irate email from a client, blaming you for their dissatisfaction and threatening to sue?
- Do those written reviews from your High-Conflict clients just make you want to quit?
- Having trouble collaborating on a divorce case with that certain person who never seems to actually work, and blames others for not getting things done?
- Maybe you have a client who sends you countless antagonistic emails and consumes far more time than you can give to any one client.
- Are you irritated with Karen and Bob’s never-ending series of aggressive emails to each other, all of which get copied to you?
These are just a few of the situations where you might find a High-Conflict Person or be an HCP’s target of blame. Chances are it’s happened before and it will happen again. Do you and your teammates know how to respond?
BIFF Responses, from a valuable book by Bill Eddy entitled Biff: Quick Responses to High Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media Meltdowns, are specifically designed to help you address written hostilities, but this technique can also be used in person-to-person verbal confrontations.
BIFF stands for Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm. It’s a simple response technique that’s quick and effective in dealing with today’s High-Conflict communications. I’ve used BIFF responses with great success in both my personal and professional lives, but they take practice!
BRIEF
Responses should be very short: one paragraph of 2-5 sentences in most cases. The point is to avoid triggering HCP defensiveness in the other person and focusing them on problem-solving information. The more you say, the more likely you are to trigger another negative response.
INFORMATIVE
Provide a sentence or two of straight, useful information in neutral terms on the subject being discussed. Shift the discussion to an objective subject rather than opinions about one another.
FRIENDLY
You can start out by saying something like: “Thank you for telling me your opinion on this subject.” Or: “I appreciate your concerns.” Or: “Thanks for your email. Let me give you some information you may not have…”
FIRM
The goal of many BIFF responses is to end the conversation—to disengage from a potentially high-conflict situation. You want to let the other person know that this is really all you are going to say on the subject. In some cases, you will give two clear choices for future action. If you need a response, then it often helps to set a firm reply date. If you are going to take action if the other person does not do something, then you could say, for example: “If I don’t receive the information I need by such and such date, then I will have to do such and such. I really hope that won’t be necessary.” (Note this is both firm and friendly)
What’s the Goal?
There are usually three goals to consider with HCPs:
- To manage the relationship, such as when you work with the person, when this person is your child, or is a spouse with whom you’re negotiating a settlement, etc. In other words, when the relationship is important to you OR you have no way to get out of it.
- To reduce the relationship to a less intense level, such as with a friend, neighbor, or even a family member.
- To end the relationship, usually by phasing the person slowly out of your life.
How you respond makes a big difference to the HCP. If you give him negative feedback, you will increase the intensity of his interactions with you, as HCPs can’t handle negative feedback. It’s better to use BIFFs and avoid talking about the past as well as putting the emphasis on the desired future behavior.
I’ve used the BIFF technique in countless situations: defusing team disagreements, getting business partners (and married couples) unstuck from their defensiveness and deal breakers, keeping mediation and negotiation sessions on track and moving forward, breaking up family arguments that no one thought could ever be resolved, etc. These tools will help prevent defensiveness, defuse arguments and create connections with teammates as well as family and friends. Truly a must-have for your skills toolbox!
Deb Daufeldt, MA, MBA, LPC, NCC, PMP
Office Phone: (303) 662-1888
Mobile Phone: (303) 638-5295
deb@newchaptersolutions.com
www.newchaptersolutions.com
by questful | Sep 8, 2019 | Collaborative Law, Uncategorized
You and your spouse have decided it’s better off for everyone to get a divorce, but if you and your spouse are getting along just fine, do you really need an attorney? Don’t attorneys just make things worse? If you do it yourself, what’s the worst that can happen?
Most couples experience serious sticker shock when meeting with a divorce attorney for the first time. You want how much?!?! How come you can’t tell me the final number this is going to cost me? After leaving the office, you will think to yourself “How hard can it be to get divorced?” You do an online search and BAM there’s a website that just gives you forms you need for FREE!! All you have to do is fill in the blanks, mark a couple of boxes and you are divorced, right? This may seem like a no-brainer if you’re getting along and are willing to reach an agreement. Unfortunately, there can be serious consequences in a do-it-yourself divorce even if you are getting along with your spouse.
Did you know that one of the only careers where a pessimistic personality is seen as a positive attribute is being a lawyer? Attorneys are trained to look at any situation and automatically think worst case scenario and then navigate ways around that worst-case scenario by adding in protections, making sure enough details are included. This is what most do-it-yourself divorcing couples fail to do. Most couples that are going through an amicable divorce never foresee that the parties won’t always see eye to eye, but it does happen. This can lead to agreements that are frustratingly vague and possibly unenforceable.
Attitudes and feelings towards each other can change greatly even after the divorce is final. If something comes up and the Court has to get involved, it quickly becomes more expensive than if the couple had hired attorneys in the first place. It is a lot harder to undo a bad agreement that has become an order of the Court then it is to have the agreements and orders prepared correctly the first time.
However, hiring an attorney may not look like you assume. Divorcing couples have numerous options when it comes to getting a divorce. One option is “kitchen table divorce.” This describes couples that are getting along and can sit down at the kitchen table and go through all of their assets and debts and decide who gets what. They file the paperwork with the Court themselves. Even so, it will always benefit you to hire an attorney to review the agreements to ensure there will be no surprises down the road.
Couples can also reach a settlement through mediation. The mediator acts as a neutral negotiator who assists the couple in reaching agreements in dividing the assets and debts and also issues related to parenting and child support. Attorneys may or not be involved in mediation. If you are getting along with your spouse, but just need help with reaching the agreement, mediation may be the way to go. You and your spouse can contact the mediator directly and share the costs. The mediator will not help file any of the court documents, so you will need to do it yourself or hire an attorney to assist you.
Collaborative Divorce is also an option. Collaboration takes a team approach by using neutral experts and working together to reach agreements thereby allowing the couple to make their own decisions on the outcome of the settlement.
The final option for couples is the “traditional” divorce through the court system with attorney. This can be the most expensive with the parties taking an adversarial position against each other but is necessary if the parties are combative and not willing to compromise.
So, do you really need an Attorney? The short answer is Yes, but it may not look like you first imagined. An understanding attorney can help with any of the above scenarios and tailor our services to meet your families’ needs.
Sarah Wolter, Attorney
by questful | Apr 25, 2019 | Collaborative Law
Are you considering divorce, but concerned that hiring attorneys will make the process more difficult? The collaborative divorce process is focused on problem-solving, not “winning.” There are collaboratively trained attorneys who can help you determine if this is right for you.
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